thanksgiving

Ants have taken over the kitchen.  The bathroom too.  I clear them away and feel awful,  like some genocidal maniac.  Is it better to spray them or crush them?  Do they even feel pain?  My empathy barometer is sensitive these days- setting off alarm at even the imagined pain of others.

Later, I'll find escapees still crawling on my leg or neck and think nothing of squashing them instantly.

It's unseasonably hot here, no wonder they're confused.  I've never read Silent Spring but I'm sure we're living it.  And it's hard to know what one can do to help anything at all, being one.  There's always escape to a greener, more temperate country while it remains so. 

Today I am grateful for two working legs, arms and eyes.  While they last.  For two cats and one partner to celebrate life with in this little cave.  For family far away.  For close friends.  For daily walks and podcasts and coffeebean.  For books I mean to read and volumes I mean to write and art I mean to create and careful patience with myself. 

hey girl hey

I've been on a seemingforever hiatus here because for some reason I couldn't log out of my school email address in order to log in to this and I was too full of general ennui to troubleshoot that nonsense.

So here I am, a few weeks from 35, without a single school email account to my name, logging in.  Just as content and confused and ever.

Donald Trump is President of the United States of America- a fact that continues to induce anxiety and general rage bursts.

Despite high hopes and because of a lack of plans, Vancouver is still California for now.  And that's fine. 

A lot of everything to sort and say another day, but for now- a short list.

Things to not:
yaaas
slay
ya girl