this matters

deliberately.

monstrosities: sick people

 http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-06-23/business/sns-rt-us-usa-crime-sanduskybre85f0lc-20120616_1_abuse-charges-sexual-abuse-abuse-case

& a controversial response including the word "sympathy" in the title:
 http://www.xojane.com/issues/jerry-sandusky-convicted-child-sexual-abuse

News:   Jerry Sandusky is accused of sexually molesting at least ten young boys over the course of fifteen years.  The world can't decide if they are outraged at the fact that he lost his job over the accusation, or disgusted at the prospect of what happened.  He is put on trial, found guilty, and will spend the rest of his life in prison.    When the verdict is read, victims burst into tears.  Sandusky walks out of the courtroom in handcuffs- blank faced.  His wife stands nearby, emotionless.   People make prison jokes about Sandusky getting raped.  People hope he burns in hell.

Why this makes me feel weird:
i feel weird that this happens.  ever.  i feel weird that it happens so often.  i feel weird to live in a world where this is a regular occurrence.

i also feel weird to live in a world where people turn around and make rape jokes about this situation.  i feel weird to live in a world where someone like sandusky goes from hero to monster in no time flat.  i feel weird to think that he was really probably both the whole time.  both.  or neither.  that it is not so simple as labeling him a monster.  the sandusky case has brought an onslaught of attention to child abuse.  i can't turn on the news without hearing stories of adults abusing their power, often sexually, over children.  it surrounds us.  it is inescapable.  it is a real problem.  it makes it hard to live in the world.

and then there's the other side of it.  the "sympathy" part of it that caused so much backlash in that response article linked above.  that part that sees the perpetrator as a human being.  i feel weird about the whole case.  have you seen the interview sandusky gave in november, the one where he, only after great hesitation and with difficulty, was able to stammer out that he is not sexually attracted to children?  i felt so strange watching that video.  his entire demeanor seemed to give himself away.  there was disgust that came with that- disgust with the fact that the man i was watching had done awful things to confuse and abuse children who trusted and respected him.  anger.  disgust.

but there was also the part of me that watched him and could see so clearly how confused HE was.  sandusky knew what he was supposed to say in response to all of those questions.  he knew what society would deem acceptable.  he was well aware of the boundaries of the public world he lived in.  but it was obvious to me in his responses that his personal boundaries were not the same as "the world", and that he didn't necessarily think there was anything wrong with that.  he knew what he was supposed to say- but it wasn't what he believed.  in watching that interview, i was watching a man with a real sickness.  i was watching a man with a distorted, confused, imbalanced sense of reality.

where did sandusky's skewed perspective of sexuality come from?  is it a disease of the mind?  does it get skewed after some terrible experience or personal trauma?  how can it be helped?  who is to blame?

it makes me feel weird to live in a world full of people who can justify such behavior.  over fifteen years.  who are only really sorry when they get caught.  who, even after they get caught, are a little confused about why their actions are so wrong.  it's a weird, overwhelming, extremely terrifying reality.

sandusky's actions have caused unimaginable pain and confusion.  he should be punished.
but, unlike what seems like a huge portion of the population, i don't wish rape or hell on him.
 i hope he gets help.