hard difficult tough curse curse

that awful, pathetic, underwhelmed about humanity
feeling you get when you see the choir director
accidentally drop his lunch on the floor
and then curse just loudly enough to be heard
for the next five minutes.

names in vain
curses
pork chops on the floor

we are all so strange.

the east has taken the path of least resistance
the internet being god
provides them with answers,
oh glow screen glow
and then they discard it all to the recycle
like a little secret prayer in the wake of a tragedy
that never happens

how many languages does it take
to curse your name
hard

pitch

in my eyes closed half asleep brilliance, i just mumbled on and on to j about this idea for a new tv series/novel trilogy.

there will be a group  called the Popoettes who are a group of women police officers who fight crime and are also poets, but that's obviously a terrible name and gross to say so they will also be corrupt and the antagonists.

there will also be a group called the Bum Drum Circle made up of the homeless and bums and the expected ghetto inhabitants etc. and they will promote peace and harmony through the music they create in their drum circles.  their challenge will be to overcome the negative stereotypes about the homeless as perpetuated by the powers that be- such as the Popoettes.

i'm not sure he heard me, as i was mumbling pretty incoherently and speaking in strange grunts and fragments, but obviously the sheer brilliance of the idea prompted me to peel open my eyeballs to record this idea here.

you let me know in the morning if it's a good idea.

copyright lindseying 2013
all rights reserved
or else.

felicity

tonight i spent some good hours with M.  she made me watch the pilot episode of Felicity, which I probably won't have any recollection of in a few years' time.  But there's a chance that I will remember something of the conversation that followed.  And on chance that I don't, here's a gist:

It involved fear and flow and not feeling grown up yet... not for lack of maturity or experience, but because our lives do not fit the pattern of our parents and so we have no precedent for what 30 as an independent, unmarried, childless person "should" or even could look like.  No house no husband no kids... the markers of adulthood we grew up observing do not apply to us.

And so we continue feeling caught up in some post pubescent haze, waiting to be grown up when we already are.  And not meeting those arbitrary markers makes us feel compelled to spend our time chasing some other types of markers- degrees or notoriety or... god knows... when really-

we've already grown
we're still growing,
but we're
already
there
in
so
many
senses.

we find ourselves afraid that in ten years' time our lives might still look the same.  afraid that we won't have achieved something more (?) greater (?).  but what IS that anyway?  what would that even look like?

what i know is that i've grown significantly in the last year in ways that i couldn't have anticipated.  what i know is that today i was content, and at moments even incredibly joyful.
what i know is that lately that has been the norm.

and if in ten years i can say the same thing-
even if things haven't changed in any award winning kind of way-
if i can say that i am content and sometimes joyful and growing...

isn't that more than just alright?  more than enough?

isn't that the goal?

collecting

oh, hello world of words!

here is what is up:

asia exhausts
africa eludes
and america is excess excess excess

here i am
http://365project.org/lindseying/365

on a million trails
like nancy drew
with the last chapter missing

and really, that's probably closer to the truth
there are a million version of that last chapter
and no definitive authority

the intrigue!

i am happy every single day
at least once
and i am saving that in a jar.