quick and unthoughtthrough state of the union.
business is booming and i love it. there are times during event shooting where i could just set down my camera for a few minutes and weep for joy. i've had experiences like this before, but they are rare and have never been this definitive. to feel like i am doing exactly what i want to be. what i'm good at. doing something that makes me feel most me. it's powerful.
after all of the changes of the last decade, i don't claim to know myself if definite terms anymore. but i KNOW photography. i know it to my core.
so a helluva resounding YAY and weepy joy tears to all that. enough to get me through these annoyances:
1. because i have yet to make the leap to full time photog, i'm essentially working 2 full time jobs. frustrating and exhausting. i'm handling it well, but i can't help but day dream about how much more i could do with all those extra hours and surges of energy. someday. a man a plan a canal. pandemonium.
2. I AM MY ONLY ADVOCATE FOR THE WORTH OF MY TIME. people offer things like "good exposure" as compensation for HOURS of labor and time spent away from... whatever else i would be doing. netflix or cats or eating nachos or whatever. VALUABLE TIME. i'm past the point where i feel good about shooting things for free, and a part of me just hoped that my client base would also make that transition. instead, i just fielded a mssg from a past client wanting me to shoot an event for $50 and 2 meal tickets. ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME? When all is said and done, that would probably amount to $5/hr. My time is too precious to be offering favors. the PLUS SIDE is that i am very quickly bursting out of my peoplepleaserbornandraised skin. i will have no problem saying a polite NOWAYJOSE to that. none at all. i think a past me would have accepted and tried to convince myself that it was somehow worth it in other nonmonetary ways just to make the client happy. that girl said sigh-anara sometime over the last 6 months.
3. i still take criticism very personally. a man just emailed me about how he was having trouble ordering a picture from my site, and that he had tried a number of different platforms and methods and that "Next time, maybe you need to change your service provider." OK DUDE, I'LL GO AHEAD AND SCRAP MY ENTIRE WEBSITE THAT I'VE BEEN ADDING TO FOR OVER A YEAR BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T ENTER 2014 AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO OPERATE A GODDAMN VIRTUAL SHOPPING CART. I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT. it's the tone that gets me. the "you need to". the offering unwarranted advice on how i can be better. but the PLUS SIDE is that by the time i had finished driving home and scarfed down half a tray of nachos, i was in a calmer frame of mind to think through his message. i was able to read it as a man who was frustrated because he couldn't figure out how to get what he needed. he was taking it out on me but he was really mostly frustrated with himself. so i called and met the gruffest old man voice eva with compassion and understanding. by the end of the call i had killed that gruffbutt with kindness and i'm pretty sure he's making me a BFF bracelet to send me in the mail right now.
holla. 2014 is all sorts of radical.
