and the questions arise
like hiccups that surprise
or a snore that wakes you up
am i?
why?
and for a day you'll be in a daze
and concentrate on the leaning in
brace yourself for some fall
the freedom of falling
will surprise you again
find yourself standing, midsleep
the blur of some dream
fresh enough
to sting when
rejected.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
reflectione
time for a good ole dose of refletione (accent mark not included)
today i strolled in on the first day of exams in harem pants full of cat hair. my classroom is nearly packed away into the little rathole of a closet in the back, and i just can't wrap my mind around where the school year seemed to go. there were days that dragged, but overall- what? am i so checked out that i spend my work days mentally elsewhere? do i lack investment or am i just getting better at my job?
a few weeks ago i entertained the idea of trying to align the universe so as to not have to come back for one last year at the high school. the whole god thing was really difficult to stomach this year, and i'd rather go out seinfeld style than with a yeats whimper.
while i'm still open to the possibility to NEVER EVER RETURNING, i think i'm also getting to a place where i can gladly accept one more year. another year of basically brainless consistent paychecks & insurance without the burden of night classes might just be the adult thing to do.
either way- feeling excited about the summer and whatever comes after.
***
on a different note- tomorrow starts a renewed round of paleo living. i just can't pretend i'm wearing these harem pants for fashion reasons anymore. it's because they have ELASTIC WAISTBANDS that do not leave marks on my stomach and thighs when i take them off (like all of my other used-to-be-comfortable pants). i seriously can't wear any of my jeans right now without being ridiculously distracted by discomfort. also, i think my knee caps are getting saggy. is that a thing? really? i blame my german fibers.
so.... change gonna come.
goodbye free potato chips in the faculty room (a battle i've already waged today... and triumphed)
goodbye Diet Coke (what *-*)
goodbye bag of really good chocolates left on my desk by an anonymous student (still locked in a stare-down)
goodbye ranch avocado dip in the little baggies in the salads with hormone pumped bacon that i tell myself is healthy
goodbye everything packaged and boxed and immediately gratifying.
goodbye.
hello raging betch that i will be while my body adjusts to healthy living
hello omeletes every single day forevermore
hello pushing myself through a teensy bit more than just 10 minutes of the yoga video on hulu
& ultimately
hello to a longer and better quality life.
today i strolled in on the first day of exams in harem pants full of cat hair. my classroom is nearly packed away into the little rathole of a closet in the back, and i just can't wrap my mind around where the school year seemed to go. there were days that dragged, but overall- what? am i so checked out that i spend my work days mentally elsewhere? do i lack investment or am i just getting better at my job?
a few weeks ago i entertained the idea of trying to align the universe so as to not have to come back for one last year at the high school. the whole god thing was really difficult to stomach this year, and i'd rather go out seinfeld style than with a yeats whimper.
while i'm still open to the possibility to NEVER EVER RETURNING, i think i'm also getting to a place where i can gladly accept one more year. another year of basically brainless consistent paychecks & insurance without the burden of night classes might just be the adult thing to do.
either way- feeling excited about the summer and whatever comes after.
***
on a different note- tomorrow starts a renewed round of paleo living. i just can't pretend i'm wearing these harem pants for fashion reasons anymore. it's because they have ELASTIC WAISTBANDS that do not leave marks on my stomach and thighs when i take them off (like all of my other used-to-be-comfortable pants). i seriously can't wear any of my jeans right now without being ridiculously distracted by discomfort. also, i think my knee caps are getting saggy. is that a thing? really? i blame my german fibers.
so.... change gonna come.
goodbye free potato chips in the faculty room (a battle i've already waged today... and triumphed)
goodbye Diet Coke (what *-*)
goodbye bag of really good chocolates left on my desk by an anonymous student (still locked in a stare-down)
goodbye ranch avocado dip in the little baggies in the salads with hormone pumped bacon that i tell myself is healthy
goodbye everything packaged and boxed and immediately gratifying.
goodbye.
hello raging betch that i will be while my body adjusts to healthy living
hello omeletes every single day forevermore
hello pushing myself through a teensy bit more than just 10 minutes of the yoga video on hulu
& ultimately
hello to a longer and better quality life.
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