impossible to say

for a time today i remembered
how i was
looking through a familiar window
impossible to say she was happier
or sadder or more confident or lonely

secure being a relative term

a delicate balance between responsibility and desire
striking each side like a gong
and ringing ringing hollow
deaf to empathy
a kind word lost

a paradox

where the only way to the actual
is through some imagined hope
dropped down quietly
into a large empty space

walk away quickly

i am so tired
i am so tired

(and fears imagined with too much might
chase themselves out of our ears and into broad daylight
where they stand on the other side of the street or the phone or the bed
and look at us with big, unblinking eyes saying
 "i'm here.  i'm here now.   what are you going to do?")

fast, go, now
wake up with that ringing
in your ears