i tried to do the whole "be a better, more motivated and invested teacher" thing. and then i stayed after work for an hour and a half to attend a voluntary professional development little treat that ran overtime (cutting into nap), included no snacks (which were promised and was reason #1 for going at all), and included gems like this, where the instructor told us to arrange the kids from smartest to dumbest:
and so, that was something. it made me feel like the whole world is full of dimwitted moron teachers, and that i am already doing entirely too much. motivation waning. i go through the motions of being an effective teacher all day long- and i am- but on the inside i am mostly checked out, wishing away the hours, and feeling completely trapped. loveless marriage.
but i don't think it's just this job. i think it would be any job. any job that wasn't new.
and that really, really scares me.
other thoughts on work:
"i thought about deleting my facebook, but then i wouldn't have anything to do at work all day." -sister susan
word.
me: work days are so long. like, sooooo long.
sis: I spent the afternoon watching animals on live cam at the san diego zoo and catching up on the bachelor.
me: you can do that?!?! ha! live cam zoo animals?!?! who ARE you? that is so hilarious to me.
sis: the apes were active... polar bear was lame today.
nephew to my sister: "mom, sometimes I waste my whole recess picking my scabs."
And that, my friends, feels like a metaphor for my life right now.
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