then

The past was brilliant. The future, bright.

"Tonight was a great night.
Politics is fun.
When I am sitting in the middle of a dinner party
positioned right next to a demolition derby and eating
chicken with a state house candidate and a Justice on
Michigan's Supreme Court, I think about you and I
think about how all light blue candles smell like you,
and these thoughts make me smile. Your are a real
jungle beauty Lindsey. You can never see you, but
once in a while you appear out of nowhere and eat the
farmer's chicken before returning to wherever you
come from. You better be achieving something down
there. I don't care what it is, but it better be
something.
Love you in all the right ways.
--- Lindsey wrote:

> When she got to the door, she could still hear his
> car running at the curb. She wanted to look back,
> but she knew that in a certain sense, it would mean
> she had lost. She took her time finding her key-
> she was always losing her keys in the bottom of her
> purse. She thought that, of all the people that she
> really knew with any degree of depth, that he would
> have understood the ache. In fact, she was almost
> sure that he did. A few days would pass before she
> would come to the conclusion that his denial of the
> "reality" of it all was just a projection of his own
> sadness.. his own loneliness. But for now, she was
> exhausted. Tired from talking only to find herself
> unheard. She had loved him. She knew he knew that
> much. She found the keys and was so lost in thought
> that she hadn't noticed that the car was still
> running on the road. It wasn't until she was near
> sleep that she realized that she had never really
> heard him leave. She considered the fact that he
> might still be by the
> street... waiting... and she let the thought take
> her to sleep.
>
> Justin wrote:When I told her that
> it wasnt real the last time she
> looked at me as though she wanted to be hurt but
> didn't know how. She left the car and walked away as
> I yelled her name and then "oh...come on". She was
> tired of discussing her relationship with him with
> me
> and wanted to be angry but she didn't know how. All
> she could feel was sad, sad for her family, sad for
> her friends, sad for the love that she didn't have.
> I
> had been a break from the sadness from time to time
> but was now part of her cycle. I felt guilty
> watching
> her leave but I didn't follow her.
>
>
>
>
> --- Lindsey
> wrote:
> > sometimes you have a little glass family inside of
> > you and i love that. i love who you are and that
> > you are my friend. sorry about the drunk part,
> > better luck next time. carl and i have been
> > emailing off and on. supposedly he's in Oregon.
> > Have you heard from him? if not, tell me and i'll
> > forward some of his emails on. they're refreshing
> > and beatiful
> >
> > my legs hurt like jello nails. i ran 4 miles
> today.
> > the worst part is- that's only a quarter of the
> way
> > to the goal. ughh.
> >
> > i am angry at you. you never told me to love Doug
> > Blocksma. you even saw him. you even knew that he
> > liked comic books. and you didn't tell me to hold
> > on to him. i blame you for it all. i would have
> > listened to you , you know. now, for all i know,
> > it's too late. thanks for ruining my life.
> >
> >
> > when you're not with me, i'm blue.
> > blue's clues. en espanol. please bear with me.
> > it's all i can do and this has been a helluva.
> i'll
> > be home in august and i hope i show up on your
> door
> > someday and maybe you'll be there. except you'll
> > have to do the buzzer thing first before i can
> > really come to your door. and... tell sean kemp
> > hello and that he's got beautiful eyes. tell
> > yourself that you're beautiful all over.
> >
> > Love, Linds
> >
> > Justin wrote:
> > Uhm, I didn't understand a word of what you just
> > said,
> > could you repeat that pleasE? My brother saw you
> in
> > ohio but he was singing and there was a rapture
> and
> > then blood shed so he didn't have time to say
> hello.
> >
> > I miss you like I would miss my left arm. It still
> > feels like I can use you but your not here and all
> I
> > have is memories of you and It feels like your
> here
> > all the time but your not. Ha. Me and sean just
> got
> > really drunk and I am drunk right now. I will
> spend
> > the next hour trying to channel you in my mind.
> Tell
> > me if anything happens. If you need a new car I
> have
> > one you can have. Wait no I don't I lie alot. Miss
> > you when your not here. Or when I think about you.
>
> > Thats more accurate. Hope life is happy and bye.
--- Lindsey
wrote:
> > ohio means good morning in japanese. currently, i
> >just tried to play raquetball in flip flops
> >unsuccessfully. i do homework. go to class. work.
> > i cut people's hair and eat food and fall in love.
> >i walk to and from school through the ghetto and i
> >love the stray cats and the street fights. i write
> >music and round up bongo players. next month i'm
> >recording. this month it rains a lot. i was down
> >in the valley for a few weeks. a really hard few
> >weeks. i'm coming out of it. lessons learned.
> >time to slow down and enjoy life"

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the present shimmers in its own real way.