I have every reason to still be confused and overwhelmed, but the storm has been tempered for the last few weeks. Same questions, same confusion, but muted somehow. A little part of me can understand how people live whole lives filled with slow commutes to and from work and whole nights in front of the television. It is so much easier on many many levels. But for whatever reason, it will never be enough for this little heart or brain.
So, I've been pushing myself in the smallest ways.
I ran for five whole minutes two days ago. My legs were ridiculously achy yesterday as a result. Today I will try again. It's a start.
Tonight I record. I'm mostly excited and a little nervous- mostly because this type of creation will be a totally new experience. All I have to work with are eight lines of lyrics, a general mood, and all the musical toys we could need. From there branch hundreds of possibilities.
Concerning health and fitness:
Right before breaking point (you know, those days right before you look in the mirror and can see all the cheesecake in your chin?)... just before delusion crumbles.... just before willpower and discipline speak up and make decisions for you...
there is this weird compulsion eating thing.... like some extended Fat Tuesday... where for weeks you find yourself eating plates of chillicheeseFritos that you don't even remember ordering... choosing the fries over the salad as if it were the only clear choice... picking food off plates others have shoved aside...
that's weird.
my delusion's crumbled. still waiting on the willpower and discipline to start turning down french fries.
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