i'll let you know when i get there

A specific kind of green.  Beans and garlic and a curious deer. Trying to grow a kiwi for 30 years. A swing on every tree branch.  An empty water bowl.  1-2-3-4 who ya gonna root for? The boys in the bus are State Champs. Honk honk a yellow blur past. I am only one person. I am only one person. Way up high  Heat lightning sky on a still night  Later, rain Out of the window A crack open for the cats  Dodging familiar faces in common places. I just lack the capacity for being this needed. Candid photos. Humility. She'll sell you vibrations in a patio chair. Wind storm collapsed the barn. Blew the roof right into the air. Uh-oh Arms reaching What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing? Let's walk one more block To honor the grief of what will never be. I am only one person.  Slow drives past the places we've lived and the places we've worked and the places that once contained our hours and years.  A turtle on the trail. slow down slow dow...

Right at the crescendo The part with the bells I was thinking of Act 3 Emily  Trying to really realize it Forty years later and the place smells exactly the same. I wondered how often I'd stared up at that same stained glass. Taken refuge there during recess. Been embarrassed by my growling stomach during morning mass. Flipped in the hymn to those same tired songs, lead by the same proud, warbling voices. The unchanging feels more like something arrested than something eternal, noble or true All eyes on the middle aisle during communion parade. Everyone watching each other sideways. Is there a true prayer lifted in that entire hour? It's hard for me to imagine what even goes on in these minds.  Any more "You must increase, I must decrease" would have had me an agitated dust speck, forever lifted to a light beam and then forced to rest again on those same worn pews. A dark ancient cave. Shadows on the wall.  But I've seen too much. Grown too tall.  The ...

Already a small homogenous group  convinced of their own importance race to the top of an anthill have we ever worked less like a colony? have we ever been less like a hive? what I wouldn't give for a queen a softer energy footsteps becoming leaps I hope when they arrive they are able to see in us a quality  we no longer  seem willing  or able to see in ourselves

One of my tutor students gives me updates about her hamster.  She told me she'd given him an apple for a treat after school.  Knowing they're nocturnal, I asked if she'd woken him up to give him the apple. And then we just laughed and laughed at how it would feel if someone woke us up at 2 a.m. and put an ice cream cone in our hand and was like, "here, have a treat."

If the strangeness of the future world requires any amount of running, I will not be among the survivors. Even a healthy jog, I fear, will be too much to ask.  I saw plenty today though, on my walk. The future survivors. All shapes and sizes too. Some with weighted vests. Preteens with ill fitting shoes clomping along in front of their mother. Some impressively fast, some holding whole conversations through earbuds while they blur by. Others just an A for effort.  All of it makes me parched. I sit down to watch it all move by me for a minute. The sun came out after a morning of rain and it's like the first color scene in the Wizard of Oz. Come out, come out. A belligerent man stands further down the path, blasting music from his phone and screaming "you can do it, put your ass into it," to every runner who passes by. Bopping and sputtering, on a journey of his own. He'll probably survive too, I think, a little annoyed.  Somewhere in between, I sit with the...

was going to meditate .  finish citizenship application .  reach out . start strength training . budget better . put effort into marketing . meal prep. write a letter . edit those photos . consider other sources of income . read those saved articles . plan future trips . touch base . commit really commit to a regular art habit . save for retirement . start a book club . clean the blinds . learn a language . start putting care into my aesthetic .  but head cold . someone else needed something . rain . dishes and laundry . trade war . delayed flight . the irreversibility of time . dental emergency . it is calm and cozy and known here in this small apartment . repulsed by what social media has done and is doing to us . cats . lack of space . screens . aging . weather events . lack of funds . needed a nap . surveillance capitalism . a likely recession . out of social energy . trash tv . the possibility of WWIII . why ............................................... Falling as...