was going to
meditate . finish citizenship application . reach out . start strength training . budget better . put effort into marketing . meal prep. write a letter . edit those photos . consider other sources of income . read those saved articles . plan future trips . touch base . commit really commit to a regular art habit . save for retirement . start a book club . clean the blinds . learn a language . start putting care into my aesthetic .
but
head cold . someone else needed something . rain . dishes and laundry . trade war . delayed flight . the irreversibility of time . dental emergency . it is calm and cozy and known here in this small apartment . repulsed by what social media has done and is doing to us . cats . lack of space . screens . aging . weather events . lack of funds . needed a nap . surveillance capitalism . a likely recession . out of social energy . trash tv . the possibility of WWIII . why
...............................................
Falling asleep to Joscha Bach telling me to stare at my face in a mirror until it disappears. A few weeks ago I saw my name spelled out so many times it became utterly strange that it had anything to do with me. The letters all lined up together like they'd been my whole life, but fell over at the slightest nudge, attached to nothing.
And that outside something calls. That floating. That knowing. That going.
everything else:
programming