i'll let you know when i get there

school ended.

teeth what matters? someone died today. loss. fear of losing. it was good, last week, in conversation to hear myself saying, "that was when i was sad" like it was a billion years ago a childhood memory formed by it, but so far removed i have been immeasurably happy and am but it occurred to me that i will not always be this happy- that sad will make its round again. what matters in a world where people are lost? now happy or sad matters maybe. do not succumb to unfounded fear do not dwell on if but make a little home in now

Sound bytes: "Ms. I, is it bad for someone not to believe in God?" "What do you mean by bad?" .... "I don't know... like, my cousin is an atheist." "People are always growing and changing and trying to figure things out. It is OK to question." Concerning students/people who defy expectations: "What it comes down to is someone at some point told them they could do anything they wanted to do." Why her parents chose to raise her as they did: "No one told them that who they are is enough . No one encouraged them to do what they wanted . So they made the conscious decision to raise us differently." Maybe the most important role of teachers/parents rests in paradox. To provide a framework from which to view the world, but also to encourage them to challenge or question or explore outside of the framework. To set clear limits and at the same time to teach them that there really are none.

although i've broken ties with a belief in god, i wonder what to think about the whole idea of the transcendent. because i have (had) moments of transcendence. (transcendence from what? to what? into what? retreat or advance? an acute awareness of being, the way the present moment consumes any thought of past or future, embodying freedom at whatever cost ) whatever this is... this deep deep peace and contentedness... i want it to stay. i feel more of a sense of wonder and awe at life and the natural world than i have in a long long time. free to wonder and feel and be. "The disappearance of all things and of the I leaves what cannot disappear, the sheer fact of being in which one participates, whether one wants to or not, without having taken the initiative, anonymously. Being remains, like a field of forces, like a heavy atmosphere belonging to no one, universal, returning in the midst of the negation which put it aside, and in all the powers to which that negatio...

what i do know is it is good to be. honestly.

The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath: "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go...

still processing i am easily distracted as of late can't read a book or sing a song with my whole heart or attention. i bought a bike and i ride it sometimes. green. What is ever right? How do we ever know, in life, what is worth risking... what is better left unexplored... what is worth fighting for and what is better left alone? everyday decisions. risks. worth. moments amplified that impact the present impactingeverything at 27, i feel less certain of what i want or what the point may be than when i was 22 but i am not so afraid of that, really. not really. debt insurance expired car registration 17 page paper due in 2 weeks and no thesis what is my point? what is it that i hope to prove? infinite interpretations freedom and paralysis lightness and a dull, dull weight. i hope your heart is light.