like a field of forces

although i've broken ties with a belief in god, i wonder what to think about the whole idea of the transcendent.

because i have (had) moments

of transcendence.

(transcendence from what? to what? into what? retreat or advance? an acute awareness of being, the way the present moment consumes any thought of past or future, embodying freedom at whatever cost)

whatever this is... this deep deep peace and contentedness... i want it to stay. i feel more of a sense of wonder and awe at life and the natural world than i have in a long long time.

free to wonder and feel and be.

"The disappearance of all things and of the I leaves what cannot disappear, the sheer fact of being in which one participates, whether one wants to or not, without having taken the initiative, anonymously. Being remains, like a field of forces, like a heavy atmosphere belonging to no one, universal, returning in the midst of the negation which put it aside, and in all the powers to which that negation may be multiplied." -Levinas

"Talk of mysteries! think of our life in nature, - daily to be shown matter, to come into contact with it, - rocks, trees, wind on our cheeks! the solid earth! the actual world! the common sense! Contact! Contact! Who are we? Where are we?" -Thoreau

i suppose moments of transcendence could be explained away through some reference to the interplay between our cognition and emotions. and i suppose emotions could be explained away as some evolutionary function that allows us to avoid hurt, overcome challenges.... and that's all fine and good. but shhhhhhh... i feel no desire to explain it away. i want to feel and i want to stay.