make up

once upon a time
(last night)
i took a shower and then put on makeup and then got ready for bed.
j subtly made fun of me for putting makeup on 20 seconds before going to sleep
and i sputtered out some asinine reason about how i look crazy without makeup because my hair is dark yaddyaddyyaddydeerinheadlights reaction.
and then i thought a little bit about how ABSURD that little habit of mine is.  to think that without eyeliner i am off-putting and hard to look at.  to think that i am monstrous without an eyebrow pencil.  when did that start?  i know that in the last few years, i've been loving discovering the transforming power of makeup (only fifteen years later, right?), but when did that become this ugly story i tell myself about how without it, i am no longer my best me?

and then i wiped off my eyes and went to bed
and woke up and didn't put any on
and i'm still goddamn beautiful.

the end.

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