i'll let you know when i get there

and the questions arise like hiccups that surprise or a snore that wakes you up am i? why? and for a day you'll be in a daze and concentrate on the leaning in brace yourself for some fall the freedom of falling will surprise you again find yourself standing, midsleep the blur of some dream fresh enough to sting when rejected.

time for a good ole dose of refletione (accent mark not included) today i strolled in on the first day of exams in harem pants full of cat hair.  my classroom is nearly packed away into the little rathole of a closet in the back, and i just can't wrap my mind around where the school year seemed to go.  there were days that dragged, but overall- what?  am i so checked out that i spend my work days mentally elsewhere?  do i lack investment or am i just getting better at my job? a few weeks ago i entertained the idea of trying to align the universe so as to not have to come back for one last year at the high school.  the whole god thing was really difficult to stomach this year, and i'd rather go out seinfeld style than with a yeats whimper. while i'm still open to the possibility to NEVER EVER RETURNING, i think i'm also getting to a place where i can gladly accept one more year.  another year of basically brainless consistent paychecks & insurance ...

in this very small apartment (two rooms, a kitchen, a bath) there are so many places to be on a far end of the bed in the shower for an hour at the window, looking out behind your own eyes in the bathroom, staring into your reflection behind a wall of unsaid words behind a screen in this very small apartment there are so many ways to be far apart

1.  It is possible to make up miracles.  I did it, once.  In the height of my middle school faith zeal, I made up a miracle at my eighth grade confirmation.  What I remember about the actual sacrament I mostly "recall" through pictures. I sang in a group of other awkward middle schoolers and I wore a beige blouse/floor length skirt get-ups that I surely got form one one of those mom stores in the mall.  My acne ridden face was framed by single tightly curled spirals- one on each side- and when I opened my mouth my smile was blinding.  I'm pretty sure that my braces required twice as much metal as any other braces I've ever seen on anyone.  Seriously, enough to set off detectors. That is all I remember about the ceremony. But I have really clear memory of a post-sacrament conversation with my mom.  It was a time of raging faith for both of us, and I just really soaked in the way she seemed to admire my rich connection with the Lord. I remembe...

F is for False.

Remember when I was writing my comps essay & all of a sudden I started using words like "bygone" and "stymied"?  Who was  that person?

question more make a religion of asking sacred curiosity unfettered mind untethered movements to go to stay to choose deliberately is freedom lay down that burden and replace it with more questions. what is? what can be?