i'll let you know when i get there

i want a life infused with expression. i want to be surrounded by creation and creators. spark. ignite. all-consuming and consumed. "Art is the act of admitting that often before us are monsters and lovers."

youonlygetoneyouonlygetoneyouonlygetoneyouonlyget one. freedom sounds like a lack of alarm. it sounds like the first of three days of rain outside this window which i may or may not be here to hear. It sounds like the promise of pages (they have been so patient) (you have all been so patient) And freedom is only a matter of time. There is enough room in freedom to wiggle- to curl your toes around its edges and to feel the give. There is room enough in freedom to make a choice to stay (it is a matter of choice when there's nothing new to say) There is room enough in freedom to walk away (but freedom does not run, because it is not afraid) .

You know what I want to do today? I want to sit around and talk about how odd human experience is. And laugh. And come to conclusions. And write them down. Maybe illustrate. I want to read trashy magazines and drink coffee til midnight. That is what I want to do today.

Threw away rotting produce. It's too cold to eat. Too cold to sleep. Too cold to love. Too cold to care.

a cockroach, indeed.

Today an NPR segment talked about how people are unable to walk in a straight line beyond about 20 or 30 steps while blindfolded. In fact, we can't do anything in a straight line for very long... swim, drive... They've been studying this for at least a century- blindfolding people, asking them to do random things, and observing. The interesting thing is, not only do the people veer off the straight path, they inevitably begin to move in circles. Walk in circles. Drive in circles. Swim in circles... and these circles usually get tighter and tighter the longer the person persists. There is something innate in us that begins to retreat backward when we do not have stimulus to cue us to the present. And we persist, all the while under the impression that we are moving forward. I think the heart works like that too. When the way ahead isn't clear, we innately return to places we've been. Lessons we've already learned. Experiences and emotions already pl...