i'll let you know when i get there

I saw a news segment once concerning what had been found to be the happiest country in the world (that year, anyway). Denmark or Sweden or Iceland or something was the big winner. After some exploration as to possible factors in their :)s, they traced it to the fact that a temperament founded on low expectations seemed to be the norm in this country. Pessimism (realism?) was the seeming cause of their overall contentedness. Not that they walked around cursing life all day... just that they expected very little from life or from anyone else.... So when life produced anything above dull/drab/sad (none of which were huge let downs), it was a great surprise and a source of joy. Today was a good day, if only because I expected that it would be much more difficult than it was. :)

Everything falls apart Everything changes Everything falls apart Everything changes I woke up and the world was spinning I woke up and it won't stop spinning. Was it always spinning? Is it even spinning? The center did not hold The weight of it all Forget what you've been told And watch it fall Let it fall.

What if this is not a matter of recovery? Not something to be recovered Not something runaway Or misplaced That might one day be returned by a friend Or show up unannounced on my doorstep? What if a cup has tipped And its contents Will remain Forever anywhere Except back in the cup in the same way again?

everything is heavy today. these days do not always announce themselves. terrified of everything. everything.

I cry watching American Idol . Every time. As phony as the show may be, they sometimes capture authentic moments when people recognize their own potential.... moments when they see goodness.... when they acknowledge something in themselves that they were afraid to be proud of. It moves me. I have a similar reaction when I watch little nerd teenagers interact with their friends. In all of this wondering and wanting to analyze and know why, I hope I don't lose appreciation for the ability to feel without justification. The justification is there, usually... but there's no need to bust out a powerpoint in the middle of a moment. ya know? All the words that were said I will wait to hear someday and I'll remember that they are true.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." -Elephants romp around this earth freely. There are elephants outside of zoos just doin' their thing at this very moment. -There are whole communities of animal species that never ever ever come into contact with humans. They are out there or under there or up there doin' their thing at this very moment. -Huge ram horns, locked in battle for highest ranking amongst females.... the drive to reproduce is FASCINATING. Why? Why is it such an innate desire and need in people and animals to pass on their genes? Where does that come from ? 1. Survival... but how is that imbedded in animals who are not able to comprehend that generations and generations will carry on after their own deaths. 2. Intelligent design... implying that the passing on of genes signifies a refinement that is moving toward something... but if so, toward what? are we just a means to an end? 3. S...

TED Blog: Rev. Tom Honey on TED.com "In the end, the only thing I could say for sure was, "I don't know." And that might be the most profoundly religious statement of all."