i'll let you know when i get there

It seemed much easier, then, to spell out a thought and place it in the world. Even in the midst of anguish or confusion, the visceral and new sense of disillusionment made expression all the more urgent and worthy and deserving of a space to spin or echo or simply exist. Maybe that's the difference. As much as the world seems entirely consumed by chaos, I no longer feel the poetic confusion of delusion propelling me. Heaven and hell have collapsed and here we are... unsurprised and tired as we navigate new horrors.

when the sum total of lived experience results in no expertise only a curiosity that does not wane a deep love and simultaneous repulsion toward humanity a desire to continue wandered exploration without qualification it stings at the sides of my intellect and ego to know that all I've done or imagine myself capable of doing will not open a single door in sight how to convey the quality of my humanity my charisma my tired and underused potential in a cover letter or resume certificates lapsed degrees covered in dust i do not want to play these merit games that feel entirely divorced from pulsing hearts