i'll let you know when i get there

today my dad met and loves charles bukowski and I just love that so much. "I was just a 50-cent turd floating around in the green ocean of life."

What function do dreams serve in evolutionary terms? a warning a reminder a stubborn refusal to forget a way of keeping past fear close? terrible, terrible dreams. http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/ep035978.pdf " Threat Rehearsal     When awoken abruptly from a terrifying nightmare, it is easy to understand the strength dream imagery has in generating both physiological and cognitive responses. In the case of a nightmare, heart rate is accelerated, sweating occurs, and a general feeling of fear and anxiety can extend for some time after the dream has finished (Mellman et al., 1985). Even though dreams are a form of mental representation, in the sense that perception is not tied to stimuli in the environment, they are generally experienced as real and the content is perceptually indistinguishable from waking perception (Freud, 1900).      If merely imagining an event has the power to better prepare us for an actual event by physically acti...

life is blinders and distractions. tonight, tonight i am choosing well.

backdated from June 8: I feel like this hiking log may be of use to anyone planning to hike Mount San Gorgonio- Vivian Creek Trail in the near future. 5 something a.m.: Apple Jacks & 7-ll coffee breakfast 7:20: not an alpine, but an early start. every 5 minutes or so: "look, a beautiful tree! i will take a beautiful picture." "look, a beautiful rock! i will take a beautiful picture." a few hours in: fantasizing about cheeseburgers (pickles, crunch, heavy mayo) and nachos (guac, sour cream, some real mexican cheese) a few hours later: i notice the uncomfortable presence of an unwelcome companion. he goes by the name of poop. on and on: the mind goes to funny places after a few miles. serious places. light places. strange places. for a good stretch of the path, i was trying to remember if my cousin/uncle/relative Tom was alive anymore or not. then brevity. legacy. what matters (the usual). then back to cheeseburgers. then som...

talk soup and i happen to dislike every single person on tv. summer threatens to bring out naked tan backs and legs that do not end. parade. navigating west coast sidewalks in hiking boots breaking them in breaking in and thinking about sustainability. we are missing so much at any given time singing with choir "dear jesus, please bless those whose homes were destroyed by the tornados" but heaven forbid he actually do anything about the tornado. mysterious ways. we say "lord hear our prayer" we say "lord hear our prayer" not deaf. no ears. helen keller would do better to respond. 92% of people that seem intriguing at first are, in fact, not. a series of small yesses is worse than pretty much a no. how is your father? how is your heart? he was a baby once and no one really thought much about the fact that he might die. not then. and what now? but what now? how is your father? how is your heart?