causes

 It seemed like the Michigan State campus was always full of chanting groups of people holding signs.  There were sorority shenanigans and whatnot- people with petitions to sign- and there was almost ALWAYS a group of people with signs protesting outside of the GAP.

On one particular morning was one of those particular moments when you are able to step outside of your current moment and view present self as a speck among many past and future specks.  On that particular morning, I remember feeling really young- like my whole life was ahead of me- life my mind was a just-opened jar of play-do that hadn't dried out from being left out or been mixed with other colors.  Just... fresh.  And on that freshest of mornings with my freshie fresh mind at work, I passed that group of protesters or supporters or what-have-you and I wondered to myself what MY cause would be.  It seemed like everyone at some point gravitated to a cause that they felt driven to center themselves around.  Government or religion or vegetarianism or quantum-physics or...  and endless endless list of sometimes competing and sometimes complimentary causes.

At 30, I can say that I still don't know what my cause is.  I mean, I certainly have a penchant for joining up with large groups or organizations.  NET, TFA... the whole first half of my 20s was spent sporting t-shirts for large collectives of the religious or education/political type.  Since then, I've wandered about as far away from both sets of "ideals" as possible.  Even though I was technically a part of those larger groups, I never had the sense of belonging that had me going back for more.  I was always very much ME within those larger labels... and when I left, the labels were just something on a resume.

I don't think I REALLY have the desire to be a banner holder.  I'm either disillusioned or realistic enough to think that holding a sign and wearing a promo t-shirt doesn't really affect much.  And, although I feel very passionately toward a number of subjects or issues, I am also acutely aware that that intensity can be very easily altered, or even reversed when new information or experience enters the picture.

I think it's OK and probably incredibly important to allow yourself  to gravitate toward subjects or causes that make you feel more deeply connected to yourself and a larger community.  Like, TREMENDOUSLY important.  Because really, we create our own sense of purpose and meaning in our little limited bubbles of existence.

But that really wonderful drive to belong or invest or experience passion becomes really dangerous when it's from the perspective of an "i'm right, you're wrong" perspective.  that's when the focus of belonging becomes the exclusion of others.  it's when investment becomes more about power and getting than giving.  and it's where passion becomes divorced from reason, often with devastating effects.


That's all.


My intention was to write about the other day when I drove right past a funeral I was supposed to attend and didn't even feel a little bit bad.  Maybe tomorrow.