adulthood

A few weeks ago when I walked up to my car and realized someone had dented the side without leaving a note, I was surprised at how quickly I reached acceptance.  It was almost instant.  There was nothing I could do to undo it, and no one to blame.  I patted myself on the back for such perspective with special satisfaction.

It's getting harder, though.

I dropped my phone and cracked the screen a few weeks ago.  Got it replaced for $80.  Then a week later, I dropped it again. It's less shattered, but it wrecked whatever's below the glass.  The color fades in and out as weird lines appear at random. It'll cost close to $200 to replace.

Sherman got into his second (and last) fight requiring a VET visit.  $500 later... He's back to ok.

Bought a $400 ac unit and leave it on constantly out of necessity.  The bill is $200 a month and it's still 90 degrees in the middle of the day.

Pour $400 into the car at the start of summer to keep it going.  Check engine light on the way home today is going to cost me $700.

I just don't know how it's ever possible to get ahead.  Ever.  I fantasize about a life where money is no issue.  Where setbacks can occur without breaking me.  Where I don't always have to be nervous about the next disaster.

I work hard.  Even with the extra income from photography, I haven't been able to put any money whatsoever into savings. None.

Did I miss something?  Am I living too lavishly?  Should I stop being social and joining friends for dinner and events until I can get back to a stable financial place?  Should I stop investing in myself and my business?  It just makes me so sad.

Sitting here in a bar full of old men waiting for the loner car to come in with a tear running down my face because I just don't understand where I could do better.  Or more.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong in adult living to constantly feel like a 12 year old waiting for allowance.