i'll let you know when i get there

that awful, pathetic, underwhelmed about humanity feeling you get when you see the choir director accidentally drop his lunch on the floor and then curse just loudly enough to be heard for the next five minutes. names in vain curses pork chops on the floor we are all so strange. the east has taken the path of least resistance the internet being god provides them with answers, oh glow screen glow and then they discard it all to the recycle like a little secret prayer in the wake of a tragedy that never happens how many languages does it take to curse your name hard

tonight i spent some good hours with M.  she made me watch the pilot episode of  Felicity , which I  probably  won't have any recollection of in a few years' time.  But there's a chance that I will remember something of the conversation that followed.  And on chance that I don't, here's a gist: It involved fear and flow and not feeling grown up yet... not for lack of maturity or experience, but because our lives do not fit the pattern of our parents and so we have no precedent for what 30 as an independent, unmarried, childless person "should" or even could look like.  No house no husband no kids... the markers of adulthood we grew up observing do not apply to us. And so we continue feeling caught up in some post pubescent haze, waiting to be grown up when we already are.  And not meeting those arbitrary markers makes us feel compelled to spend our time chasing some other types of markers- degrees or notoriety or...

oh, hello world of words! here is what is up: asia exhausts africa eludes and america is excess excess excess here i am http://365project.org/lindseying/365 on a million trails like nancy drew with the last chapter missing and really, that's probably closer to the truth there are a million version of that last chapter and no definitive authority the intrigue! i am happy every single day at least once and i am saving that in a jar.