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what i hate the most
is the falling asleep. what i hate the second most is the waking up. shut up/shut down but if that's the worst, it's not so bad. i can make molehills out of mountains and i can write like judy blume.
sit tight
choices will lead to choices that you cannot anticipate so sit tight sit calm strangle your sight with the light of a dim, distant star. sit tight. sit calm. there's no way to anticipate where any of it goes.
stick wants stuck
Is it spring yet and is there life growing somewhere? Is all that buried potential brave enough to reach. up. out. winter brings lazy and a certain ennui. hibernation, and i suppose that is part of a cycle. but my eyes are strained from big picture attempts. focus is lacking. perspective is limited to this little moment where restless sleep and spiking emotions make me tired of the reaching. tired of exploration. i pull my empty hand back to myself. what i touch doesn't follow me back. what i reach for doesn't seem to see a home in me. achy for something known and constant to curl up around. nothing is, though. nothing is. stuck wants stick and vice versa.
blah
even when there are weeks and weeks of nothing new and winter brings blue, i am in the habit of living and so i do.
tangental gripe and a dream
i might be tired of people. and just... living. balance is lost to the fact that there is never balance, really. if there is balance for a minute, it is such an exception so rare that it becomes unusual, and not a balance at all. owe so much on a student loan for experience that i've had to, for the most part, unlearn. managers at starbucks make more money than me. money is stupid. can't really remember how life used to be before. no idea how i would like it to be or how to know. i would like to curl up (too). (in the dream we were curled up in that room. we were preparing for a storm. (there is a storm, there is really a storm out there.) even in the dream i could tell that his skin was not yours. (loosehardlyanypressurecaughtoffguard,but still i knew) even in the dream i knew). i would take a day off, but i have no idea what i'd do with myself all day. curse. america better hurry the curse up and it'd better be recognizable. it'd better ...