i'll let you know when i get there

The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath: "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go...

still processing i am easily distracted as of late can't read a book or sing a song with my whole heart or attention. i bought a bike and i ride it sometimes. green. What is ever right? How do we ever know, in life, what is worth risking... what is better left unexplored... what is worth fighting for and what is better left alone? everyday decisions. risks. worth. moments amplified that impact the present impactingeverything at 27, i feel less certain of what i want or what the point may be than when i was 22 but i am not so afraid of that, really. not really. debt insurance expired car registration 17 page paper due in 2 weeks and no thesis what is my point? what is it that i hope to prove? infinite interpretations freedom and paralysis lightness and a dull, dull weight. i hope your heart is light.

youtube: Christopher Hitchens vs. Turek 14 segments. Dear Christians, Preaching to the choir will not prepare you for debate. -L http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM-6FnArd3M

"He who hid well lived well."

I finished God Is Not Great in the airport yesterday. While his argument style may not be flawless, it addressed and answered to so many of my reservations about the practice of religion. (Everything I am saying or thinking or writing or grappling with has been said or thought or written or grappled with by many many people many many times before repeat repeat repeat. there is some kind of comfort there) I am beginning to realize that probably this summer I will have to destroy my mother's world. On the phone last weekend, I heard myself answering back to her faith talk with old faithful rote replies, and it made my skin crawl. I still know the language, but I do not subscribe. It must be, but I dread it. Deliberation. I don't do well with dishonesty but it is not always so easy to articulate the truth. I am growing more and more distant from the possibility of a return... A really difficult part of all of this has been learning to navigate m...