defeat

Seems like everyone's feeling a little defeated around this time of year.  A pressure cooker of obligations in every walk of life.  The students are two scantron bubbles away from insane, and I'm about one cafeteria meal away from joining them.

Today I had to exercise my Mandated Reporter title based on what a student wrote in her warm-up exercises.  I can't remember ever having to do that before- at least not to this extent.  When I read it, everything slowed right down for a second- and then everything sped up.  A rush.  A life saver thrown to sea.  Please, don't be too late.

I'm not sure how to even feel.  I feel a lot.  I don't know what that means.  I could have identified a bit of melancholy, but I had no idea of the extent.  Some people bear the weight so silently.  

I thought of her for the rest of the day.  And on the drive home.  And throughout the evening. I wonder if she's ok right now.  Wonder if she gets a break from it sometimes. Wonder if it will all pass with time.  Wonder where anything begins or ends. 

The reality is-

hers is a very solitary struggle.  so very inside.  somewhere words don't reach.  

some harsh and tempting depth.

But the other reality is-

sometimes you need other people to lift you up a little while you try to want to swim.